


I wasn’t ready for you

by mitaharukai



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), ラブライブ! 虹ヶ咲学園スクールアイドル同好会 | Love Live! Nijigasaki Gakuen School Idol Doukoukai (Anime)
Genre: Confessions and kisses, Emma being patient, F/F, Karin having a gay panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29204793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitaharukai/pseuds/mitaharukai
Summary: Emma, tired of Karin’s sad smiles, decides to confront her about it only to be surprised by Karin’s answer
Relationships: Asaka Karin/Emma Verde
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	I wasn’t ready for you

**I wasn’t ready for you**

There she is again, sat in her favorite spot looking through the window peacefully, unaware of neither your presence, nor that you're watching her attentively from afar.

Part of you is mesmerized at the sight in front of you: how peaceful she looks resting her head disinterestedly on the back of her hand while she gets lost in the landscape outside the school’s cafeteria window and the way her blue hair falls delicately over her shoulders, giving her a more mature appearance, but other part of you can’t help but feel your heart shrinking at her sad and thoughtful expression and the way her mesmerizing and intense blue eyes have seemed to have lose their sparkle.

You sigh heavily and hold the food tray tightly, advancing with quiet steps to where she’s sat at.

\- Mind if I sit, Karin-chan? – you ask her politely with a smile, not wanting to disturb her.

\- Not at all – she answers back at you with a smile that doesn’t fully reach her eyes and you can’t help but feel a pang of sadness in your chest.

You love her but you hate not being able to reach out for her to tell you what worries her or is making her this sad.

You shake your head and start to prepare your lunch as she chuckles and casts a last glance at you before going back to look through the window.

You want to hold her hand and squeeze it to let her know you’re there, that whatever is making her so sad and disinterested will pass and everything will be okay again but you refrain yourself, afraid of bothering her with your touch.

You can only wait patiently and be there for her, hoping she’ll open up to you whenever she feels comfortable and let you help her to get back the happiness that something stole away from her.

Abruptly, a ringtone brings you out of your self-absorption just in time to see her standing up and quickly apologizing to you before leaving you eating alone with the landscape outside the window as your only company.

Days keep passing and the amount of time Karin and you spend together gets reduced between modeling sessions and idol practices by each one. If it wasn’t because of classes and lunch, sometimes you have serious doubts you could even get a slight glimpse of her.

So one morning, you decide to surprise her, passing by her room to go to classes together and get to spend some more time together.

You take a deep breath and knock on her door, waiting patiently for her to slowly open the door, displaying a clear surprised face.

\- Do you want to go to classes together, Karin-chan? – you ask her with a wide smile on your face.

\- S-Sure, just let me get my things – you hear her stutter while going inside again to take her things before coming back quickly with her school bag and lock the door behind her.

She smiles at you one last time and start to walk with you towards school and you can’t help but feel your heart shrinking at such sad smile. You smile back at her, trying to hide the ache those smiles cause you. You really don’t know for how long you can stand to see her like that.

Once you’re in class, you can’t stop thinking about her. Karin has always been reserved but never to this point, this is a whole new level of discretion.

You glance outside the window, looking attentively at the rain pouring heavily down as a reflection of how your heart feels and get lost admiring the dark and cloudy sky, remembering you to Karin’s eyes.

That evening, you decide to pay her another surprise visit in the hope of being able to bring a true smile upon her face that could clear up the storm in your aching heart.

You knock on her door for the second time in the day and wait patiently to see her adorable surprised and confused face as she opens the door.

\- E-Emma? – she asks you confused as if she's making sure is you for real.

\- Can I come in? – you ask her politely, tilting your head with a shy smile on your face.

You observe her opening and closing her mouth adorably for a couple of times, blushing lightly before letting you in, smiling back at you and you can’t stand the ache in your chest noticing such sad smile again and the cloudiness in her eyes, a faithful resemblance of the storm raging outside _and_ inside your heart.

As always, her room is completely messed except her bed, where you find her sat looking anywhere but you.

You sit beside her and place your hand over hers, giving it a light squeeze.

\- Can we talk? – you ask her softly, hoping she’ll agree.

\- About? – she answers back at you, moving her hand subtly but without removing it completely from under yours.

\- Anything, I don’t mind. I just miss talking with you – you say sadly, noticing how your hands are almost the same size and start to rub absent-mindedly the back of her hand with your thumb.

\- Emma, we talk every day.

She’s right, you _do_ talk every day but it mostly consists in you talking about trivialities while she smiles sadly at you and looks through the window, saying something absently whenever she considers.

You rest your head on her shoulder, wanting to feel closer to her so the pain in your chest stops for a moment.

\- I know Karin-chan but I miss talking with you like we used to.

You hear her sighing heavily and looking away, removing her hand from under yours to stand up and pace around her room while you observe her sadly.

\- I miss you Karin-chan, I miss your smile – you tell her, standing up to stop her pacing and reach for her face, trying to draw a smile upon it while looking into her deep blue eyes.

\- Emma…

\- Just talk to me Karin-chan. Has something happened? Did I do something wrong? – you basically beg her, waiting for an answer that could help you to understand what’s wrong with her.

\- I’m just tired Emma, nothing else – she says while averting her eyes and takes a step backwards, putting some distance between you two.

\- I don’t believe you Karin-chan – you try to get closer to her again but she keeps going backwards, putting more and more distance between you two and you feel your heart breaking at such reaction from her.

Do you disgust her that much? But why?

You can’t help but start crying while watching her crossing her arms.

\- Just tell me what I did, please – you beg her tearfully.

\- Emma, I just told you-

\- Don’t! Don’t keep lying to me! – you yell at her, crying harder.

\- Why can’t you just drop it? – she says with resignation, looking at you sadly while her eyes acquire another shade of blue.

\- Because I love you! – you come to rest your head against her chest, crumpling her shirt in between your fists while crying over her collarbone – I love you Karin-chan and this hurts me.

You notice her body tensing up with each one of your words and her fists tightening as you keep crying hard against her chest, waiting for an embrace that never comes.

\- I love you Karin-chan – you repeat again quietly against her chest, crumpling her shirt tighter but she keeps immobile as if she was a statue, making the pain in your chest unbearable.

You shake your head and slowly pull apart from her chest to glance up at her through your teary eyes and what you witness takes your breath completely away.

Her eyes seem coldest and darkest than ever before as if there was a storm raging inside of them and for the first time, you’re afraid of her mesmerizing eyes and the storm in them, not because she’d hurt you, no, but because you can feel their anger and coldness seeping through your flesh and bones and it’s terrifying.

You close your eyes and inhale deeply, turning around to leave without saying a word, hoping she’d stop you or say anything but she just stays standing still there impassive while you advance towards her door and leave her dorm not even bothering to cast a last glance at her because if you’d have done it, you’d have seen the tears peeking out her eyes, threatening to fall and how hard Karin tries to stop them by biting her lip.

Once you’re out, you start to run to your own bedroom, not caring about the rain pouring heavily down over you, neither how soaked you get until you finally arrive to the solitude of your bedroom and throw yourself onto your bed.

You don’t care about anything else but your broken heart and the expression on her face burned into your memory as you told her those words.

What you don’t know, it’s that after have closed her door behind you, Karin collapses on her bed hitting the mattress as the storm in her eyes unleash in form of tears while she crumbles trying to stifle her pain, hating herself for hurting you.

To forget about that, about her expression and the storm in her eyes, you throw yourself into improve and create new songs and dance routines for the group, trying to avoid Karin at all costs while trying to not replay over and over again her expression and coldness towards you and the consequent rejection to your confession. You try to mend your broken and torn apart heart through the music…

But even by doing that, you can’t stop missing her.

You miss going to classes together. You miss her teasing while you’re eating. You miss her phone calls at night to wish you sweet dreams so you can be able to sleep well after those simple words… You miss everything about her, especially her dazzling smile and the way it reached her mesmerizing eyes and made them sparkle vividly. You really miss her…

One day, after more than a week avoiding Karin and not knowing anything about her, you find yourself face to face with her as the practice ends, surprising you, not expecting her at all.

She’s waiting outside, resting against the wall and you can’t help but feel your heart skipping a beat.

Even though she looks sad, she also looks incredibly beautiful with a pair of broken dark blue jeans, a turquoise shirt and a black leather jacket that gives her a wild look you absolutely love.

You blush furiously while you watch her fidgeting nervously with the hem of her shirt before staring into your eyes, giving you a shy and unsure smile before going back to bite her lip and you feel yourself getting trapped again in the storm in her eyes.

\- Do you want to walk back to the dorms together? – you hear her asking you shyly and you don’t have the heart to tell her no, especially when she looks so tender.

You nod at her and start walking back together to the dorms in silence, not knowing what to talk about with her while enjoying the landscape that surrounds you, and in that tense silence, you think again about how much you miss her, even if at these moments it hurts to be by her side.

You want to take her hand and hold it all the way back to the dorms, interlace your fingers and feel how perfectly they fit together but even just that mere and innocent thought hurts you.

Resigned, you keep walking until reaching your room’s door.

\- Mind if I come in so we can talk? – you hear her asking you politely yet shyly, and you can only nod, fearful for the upcoming conversation.

As soon as the door closes and while you’re taking your shoes off with your back turned on Karin, you feel a back hug that makes your heart flutter and your breath get caught in your throat.

Karin have never hugged you before but when you feel her arms enveloping you, wrapping you completely and her breath close to your neck, letting you inhale her soothing scent, you know you want to be in her arms forever, loving the feeling and what she transmits to you.

So you two stay like that for a little bit longer, although if it was for you, you’d stay like that for hours before you two enter the room.

You glance at Karin uncomfortable, not knowing what to do or say while she looks through the window, probably trying to calm herself down.

For a moment, you get lost staring at her profile admiring the views outside the window before the silence starts to feel too overwhelming and you decide to take a step closer to ask her what she did wanted to talk about but before you can do anything, you feel her lips crashing into yours, making your question get trapped into the confines of her mouth.

You can taste the salt of her tears in that unexpected kiss while your own tears start to freely well up in your eyes and your heart starts to beat loudly and wildly.

She pulls apart to catch her breath and rests her forehead against yours, smiling at you sadly and then you feel your heart breaking at such sad face.

\- I love you – she whispers suddenly and you feel your world stopping for a second, not sure if you have heard her right or if those three words were a product of your imagination – I love you – she repeats louder this time, staring into your eyes while some rebel tears slide down her beautiful face and she smiles at you softly, stroking your cheeks with her thumbs.

You can’t help the tears slipping down your face as you stare back into her deep blue eyes, noticing the storm in them subsiding and smile back at her, feeling your heartbeat going erratic at such words yet still look at her dumbfounded, not knowing what to say.

\- I love you. I was scared. I-I wasn’t ready for you – she tells you with a sad smile, nervously while looking down ashamed – You captivated my heart from the very first moment we met and the more time we spent together, the more I realized that I wanted to spend even more time together so I could be able to hear your adorable laugh or witness the way your sweet smile sparkles your mesmerizing eyes and warm my heart, and soon, I realized that I loved you as more than a friend and I got scared because it was wrong and I didn’t wanted to lose you or our friendship so I pushed you away, taking advantage that you had new friends and something that excited you – she confesses to you, clenching her eyes tightly – I’m sorry Emma, I hurt you because I’m a coward.

You stare at her shocked yet with sadness at how hard she is on herself, not being able to imagine she felt like that all this time.

Then you smile at her softly and cup her cheeks to kiss her tenderly, feeling her tensing up for a second before kissing you back and wrap you in her arms again.

You pull apart, resting your foreheads together like she did minutes ago and smile at her soothingly again while wiping her tears away with your thumbs.

\- I love you too, silly. You aren’t a coward, I understand you but please Karin-chan don’t push me away again, it hurts when you do it. I only want to spend more time together and get to know you more – you want to tell her many more things but you just smile reassuringly at her and go back to kiss her, being already addicted to the taste of her lips.

\- I won’t – she whispers against your lips, smiling widely yet shyly and your heart flutters contentedly seeing her blush.

\- I really love you too – you repeat to her quietly, capturing her lips once again before resting your head against her chest happily, feeling how today, she wraps you in her arms, unlike the other day and you smile wider – Stay tonight.

\- Okay – you hear her agreeing with you, kissing your head and squeezing you tighter in her arms while guiding both of you to your bed to rest there in silence.


End file.
